Get Cape, Wear Cape, Eat Grape!

Saudações meus amigos super-herói!

It has been very noisy around here lately. Mum and Dad have been busy as Mum has just made two very small monkeys that are nice but not as nice as me. We’ve been taking turns looking after them and introducing them into our moustachioed ways. The hair on Dad’s back has just come back after having a hard time of it when I made it my home. I think I ate too many grapes and then it started to hurt – but not as much as two monkeys!

The ability to carry loads of monkeys in your hair is a kind of a super power. I’ve been thinking about super heroes and super powers a lot lately after my owners Frank PR brought The Hulk, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Thing and Human Torch to London to help drum up some interest for the new Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 game.

When they heard of my campaign they decided to support me as I can be a superhero too! They even came up with a logo for my cape. Of course to us monkeys, most of the things big apes do aren’t super heroic – they are just super stupid. Today one of you seemed to have a super ability to pick their nose when they thought I was not looking. Tão nojento!

If I had superpowers they would be more interesting than that. Like the ability to shoot giant grapes from space into my gob at will, or an electric moustache that could shock you lot every time you tap on the glass. Maybe I could turn you all into ripe bananas just by staring cutely…?

Of course with things being as they are, anyone can be a hero for the planet. Just care, click and donate to your right…

Vemo-nos em pessoas céus!

It's a fair cop

Saudações meus amigos na chuva!

I’m sorry but I really must complain about the awful state of your island here. Some days you get enough water coming out of the sky to create a new electric eel sanctuary, other times it is just as cold and grey as the inside of a wet breezeblock. I wonder how you cope, but still the energy remains for you to come and mug at us through the glass. The latest thing seems to be to add foolish ‘OOP OOP’ type noises to experimental dances. The more of your little ones are around, the more the big ones resort to this kind of behaviour. In any other context, the police would be called.

Which reminds me of the latest celebrity friends my owners Frank PR have enlisted to my cause, Sam and Mark – who came round as part of npower’s Climate Cops campaign. I wish they would take their mission to keep the world cool and nice for all of us into the sky, and hit whatever it is that makes your silly weather with a baton! Seriously, though if you don’t all put your hands up and admit the problem, the whole planet will become even less pleasant than your chilly rock of an island. You know what to do – look to your right and be reminded!

Mantenha-a limpa até a próxima!

No monkeying around at breakfast...

Olá meus amigos frequentemente férias!

So many of you have been doing that ‘staycationing’ nonsense or else celebrating another one of your all too rare Bank Holidays by making stupid hooting noises at us that I’ve had to take a break from typing these just to cope.

In my absence I see that my naughty owners, Frank PR have been flirting with other monkeys. Or at least monkeys that have taken a liking to their client’s breakfast crunchy thing. Seems that some monkeys at the Heythorp Zoological Gardens saw their keeper eating something tasty pretending to be a banana called Banana Puffs. Now these silly looking pink faced fellows are demanding the same for their breakfast – forgetting about what a real banana is! Your confusing lives and language never seems to amaze me.

Luckily as these are ridiculous, moustache-less Rhesus Monkeys Frank assured me they could never replace me in their affections - after I threw several squishy old grapes in their direction that is!

Of course if you lot carry on making the planet hotter you will have to worry about confused, angry wildlife interfering with more than just your breakfast. So click my causes and donate please.

Até logo amigos!