Jungle Groove

Dança a minha rua que grandes símios!

Hello again my tailless compadres! It is becoming far more hot so you lot look and smell even more rude than before. I may need to stuff my nose with leaves to cope, but that would make you tap on the glass even more than usual or call the vet to bother me again. Last time the vet came to poke around in embarrassing places and jostle my fur I made such an effort to get away from the cold tongs and stethoscope that it look like I was doing one of your popular street dances.

I was inspired by one of your kind as the megamonkeys at Frank PR had Britain’s Got Talent champion hoofer George Sampson come down to Alton Towers to get people dancing like him.

Of course if it keeps heating up in the Amazon because of you lot’s bad habits the only thing for me to groove on down to will be the thought of scrub grass and cow poo replacing my ancestral home. On the right you will see many ways to stop this happening by throwing my great cause a bit of shrapnel. Come on, you’ve have only spent it anyway?!

Vejo você na próxima vez que você louco Samba estudantes!

Sleeping through a rodent invasion

Cuidado com a desagradável homens nas urnas lhe grandes macacos!

Hello again my electronic jungle friends! And now I am linked up with Twitter I will be able to keep in touch with even more of you.

I’ve not been smiling as much as usual at you errant glass tapping tarsiers because when you’ve been cooing and making faces at me you should have been off down the local dusty, squash stained community hall to vote. Instead of stuffing ballot boxes with your hard earned rights you’ve been stuffing your faces with ice creams while gurning at mine! While you’ve been having fun some seriously nasty creatures have slipped themselves into Strasbourg. It would be as if I carried on hopping in time to your annoying glass tapping as a gang of smelly rodents ate all my grapes and gnawed through the roots of my tree. How silly you naked types can be.

We monkeys are experts at politics – if you groom the wrong back at the wrong time, forget to groom it, go against the fur direction or hog all the grapes the trees will shake with the biting, dung throwing and squabbling. Luckily it is just me, mum and dad here which leads to less confusion as long as my perpetual fruit rights are respected.

Of course if you carry on as you do there will be no fruit, or trees that are not the plastic variety you get in bad serviced offices. Look into your heart – then look to your right and get giving to my favourite charities!

Mantenha-o real até à próxima vez!