Monkeys, Backs and Budgets

Pare de se preocupar você grandes símios bobagem! O clima está ficando mais agradável

Greetings my internet bretheren. Well I’ve noticed a lot of fretting and chatter from you naked types in the last week about something called a Budget.

Sounds like the codename of one of my more annoying and smelly avian neighbours. To be fair to the Silverbacks in charge, all those numbers change so much and come in long after they have happened – it must be like swinging from tree to tree while facing backwards!

My very objective Simian Opinion is that there are far fewer bananas to go round than people thought and a nasty switch from grapes to stick-in-moustache sultanas is in the offing. Most of the bananas were probably inflatable toys anyway. But what do I know. I am too obsessed with grapes to understand high finance.

Speaking of backs you’ll be pleased to know I’m spending less time on Dad’s back now and am hopping about. I now am more likely to get my fair share of the elusive round fruit and Dad seems to be happier now, too. Must be hard to have a monkey on your back - no wonder the hair on them eventually turns silver!

Até a próxima mantê-lo sóbrio!

He remind youu...

Ele está atrás de você! Meu chocolate indulging coelho adorador amigos

Well I was unable to write to you last week as there were many, many more of you naked giants about than usual peering in at us. Some were dressed as rabbits or birds, and you seemed to eat chocolate eggs en masse. I thought that it would be more fun to build a giant nest out of banana leaves and make someone sit on the eggs until they hatch. Or else eat as many as possible before being asked to breathe heavily in the direction of a beehive.

Actually, that kind of fun imagination is one of the reasons I should be brought on as Special Simian Consultant for the next series of I’m a Celebrity. In fact, panto champ Christopher Biggins himself, was recently in the offices of my owners Frank PR to record a video for Kit Kat’s ‘Working like a Machine’ campaign. I don’t know what machine he was, yet, but I’d be more than happy to impersonate a small and remarkably effective Grape Disposal Unit if Frank ask me.

Of course if it keeps getting any hotter out there, there will be no grapes, only horrible raisins that would stick in my fur. You know what to do to stop that happening, and you can get started by looking to the right, right now! Get clicking, get donating, get spreading the word amigos.

Ah, meu Deus que se parece com alguns frutos pai não tenha notado ainda! Vejo você depois!

‘G’ is for Gibbon

Saudações G20 fãs! Prazer em ver o meu presidente, o quadro também

Well I see there is a lot of talk from you massive marmosets about this G20 thing that happened in London. Pah! You’d have to be as slow as Boris not to know that everything was agreed far, far in advance except for a few last minute tantrums and forms of words. More work for PRs than the PM, if you ask me.

But don’t take my word for it – listen to my new chum Alistair Campbell, one of the most famous political operators of all time. My owners had him along to launch the ‘Time to change’ campaign, which seeks to remind all you silly simians who seem to have forgotten how many of your silverbacks suffered from mental illness. I thought everything you did was supposed to be some kind of evolution. Guess not!

Well at least Alistair is an advanced enough ape to know who the best candidate to protect his world is! By the way folk, please take time to click on the climate related links to my right – have a browse, make a donation if you fancy it – go on, I dare you!

Até a próxima, mantê-lo com base árvore!