Friday, 20 November 2009

Rumble in the Jungle

Tocar a música alta, você grandes macacos!

Well your days and nights sure are mixed up here these days. It seems you have so little sun anyway most of the time that the silly fireball has decided to clock off early for a big chunk of the year. Maybe you lot think you need less sun than you do as you have so many confusing ways of entertaining yourselves.

Like those little wires that go into your ears to deliver strange patterns of noises. The keepers call it ‘music’. As it gets darker, more of you seem to be going inside earlier to listen to these confusing vibrations.

Well that’s fine by us as the closest thing to music you lot make near here (and don’t think I’m sounding like a broken record! Ha!) is that awful tap tap tapping on the glass followed by icky cutesy noises.

My owners at Frank PR sure know a lot about music. They had a fellow who seems to have named himself after them called ‘Frankmusik’ come along to help celebrate KitKat’s Battle of the Bands. When he heard about my campaign, he offered his loud support as you can see!

I wish they had asked him to make some monkey music. We are your cousins so sure deserve our own pop charts.

I think that the drumming bit would come from tail thumping. A baboon could hoot for bass. Lyrics would deal with the heartbreak of rotten grapes, poor grooming, and unrealistic jungle enclosures. I might speak to Mum and Dad about starting a band. We could be the Jungle-y Three with the Twins as backing singers. Nós vamos governar o mundo com os nossos sons!

Of course the only thing we’ll be singing is the blues unless you unplug yourselves from your nonsense, click and donate!

Até a próxima!

Monday, 2 November 2009

Hairy, scary and small

Olá, meus amigos a meia grande e pequeno!

Hello again my oversized cousins! Well we’ve been very very busy lately. So busy I’ve been more concerned with entertaining you, keeping up with the Twins and keeping sane than typing things into this crazy machine.

I’ve also been in a jealous mood about the Twins. They are cute and interesting but surely not as much as me! They just stay on Dad’s back and have so little evidence of a moustache that I’m not sure we are related at all.

We’ve all been puzzled as there have been many, many more of you coming to visit than usual. The last week has seen some proper crowding round the glass, despite your vile weather. You brought along far more of those small, loud creatures than before. One of the keepers said it was something to do with ‘half term’. I think if it was a whole term there would be such a surplus of sprogs about you’d not be able to move! Um campo das crianças!

This could be a good thing because it means whichever mugging oaf is tapping on the glass is likely to get tired, but could not be replaced. I’m not scared about that any more, just annoyed.

What is scary is the tradition you lot have of dressing up in ridiculous outfits for one night to go round demanding candy.

Trick or treat? Surely it would save money to trick anyone coming round your house with some kind of monkey magic rather than give away precious sweet things? If anyone was foolish enough to shake my tree and demand a grape they would get quite a scare, let me tell you!

What is scary of course is that if you don’t change your ways, my kind are more likely to be found behind glass than in trees. So go on – click to your right to donate and let me know of any more groups helping my cause you’d like to see here!

Até a próxima vez que você grandes macacos!