Monkeys, Backs and Budgets

Pare de se preocupar você grandes símios bobagem! O clima está ficando mais agradável

Greetings my internet bretheren. Well I’ve noticed a lot of fretting and chatter from you naked types in the last week about something called a Budget.

Sounds like the codename of one of my more annoying and smelly avian neighbours. To be fair to the Silverbacks in charge, all those numbers change so much and come in long after they have happened – it must be like swinging from tree to tree while facing backwards!

My very objective Simian Opinion is that there are far fewer bananas to go round than people thought and a nasty switch from grapes to stick-in-moustache sultanas is in the offing. Most of the bananas were probably inflatable toys anyway. But what do I know. I am too obsessed with grapes to understand high finance.

Speaking of backs you’ll be pleased to know I’m spending less time on Dad’s back now and am hopping about. I now am more likely to get my fair share of the elusive round fruit and Dad seems to be happier now, too. Must be hard to have a monkey on your back - no wonder the hair on them eventually turns silver!

Até a próxima mantê-lo sóbrio!

He remind youu...

Ele está atrás de você! Meu chocolate indulging coelho adorador amigos

Well I was unable to write to you last week as there were many, many more of you naked giants about than usual peering in at us. Some were dressed as rabbits or birds, and you seemed to eat chocolate eggs en masse. I thought that it would be more fun to build a giant nest out of banana leaves and make someone sit on the eggs until they hatch. Or else eat as many as possible before being asked to breathe heavily in the direction of a beehive.

Actually, that kind of fun imagination is one of the reasons I should be brought on as Special Simian Consultant for the next series of I’m a Celebrity. In fact, panto champ Christopher Biggins himself, was recently in the offices of my owners Frank PR to record a video for Kit Kat’s ‘Working like a Machine’ campaign. I don’t know what machine he was, yet, but I’d be more than happy to impersonate a small and remarkably effective Grape Disposal Unit if Frank ask me.

Of course if it keeps getting any hotter out there, there will be no grapes, only horrible raisins that would stick in my fur. You know what to do to stop that happening, and you can get started by looking to the right, right now! Get clicking, get donating, get spreading the word amigos.

Ah, meu Deus que se parece com alguns frutos pai não tenha notado ainda! Vejo você depois!

‘G’ is for Gibbon

Saudações G20 fãs! Prazer em ver o meu presidente, o quadro também

Well I see there is a lot of talk from you massive marmosets about this G20 thing that happened in London. Pah! You’d have to be as slow as Boris not to know that everything was agreed far, far in advance except for a few last minute tantrums and forms of words. More work for PRs than the PM, if you ask me.

But don’t take my word for it – listen to my new chum Alistair Campbell, one of the most famous political operators of all time. My owners had him along to launch the ‘Time to change’ campaign, which seeks to remind all you silly simians who seem to have forgotten how many of your silverbacks suffered from mental illness. I thought everything you did was supposed to be some kind of evolution. Guess not!

Well at least Alistair is an advanced enough ape to know who the best candidate to protect his world is! By the way folk, please take time to click on the climate related links to my right – have a browse, make a donation if you fancy it – go on, I dare you!

Até a próxima, mantê-lo com base árvore!

Inflatable Fruits

The only way is up

Anima-te você raspou grandes macacos!

Even from under the fur of Dad’s back, I could hear you bipedal wonders talking today about inflation. Something about too few shiny round things and coloured paper to get the same goodies as before. Big grey silverbacks came out with numbers they were not expecting and then the chattering started. To me, they are just abstract shapes like tufts of fur left on the floor after a particularly effective grooming session. It just a silly thing quite separate from the fruit eating, food throwing, hooting, grooming and that other thing Dad won’t tell me about which really matter.

You laugh but we monkeys know quite a lot about economics – when I get bigger I’m sure my magnificent moustache will be stroked more than a pub dog while I consider the latest changes in grape futures pricing, or whether a quick groom is worth a nibble of a neighbour’s apple. The apple might be less sweet than one expects, and while I’m grooming the apple’s owner some naughty ape might snag my cucumber cube stash. Decisions, decisions!

Até a próxima, amigos! Mantenha-o macaco gosta!

Funny Money Business

Saudações recentemente grandes símios nariz vermelho!

I noticed that last week you all did funny things for money (or at least funnier than usual - from my simian perspective much of your behaviour is amusing or confusing!).

In fact, my owners Frank PR were crazy enough to let different members of staff take the role of temporary Chairman and impose whatever despotic decrees they liked. If Dad and I took over the Zoo there would be even bigger changes! Like free fruit based moustache wax for all who need it and compulsory whooping.

Frank went along to npower’s pub quiz, which was hosted by noted funny monkey Phil Jupitus. He even pulled out one of those Red Noses for Comic Relief! Looked a bit like one of my cousins as a result. Surely that will make you want to stop all the funny business going on with the climate!?

Tenho que voltar para o pai de volta, para vê-lo mais tarde!

Ice work if you can get it

Oi companheiros!

We don’t get much ice in the rainforest but I was all in a spin to meet the lovely Zoe Salmon of Blue Peter and Dancing on Ice fame– you should have seen her triple axel, 6.0!

She skated by to launch the Little Green Fingers campaign for the energy folk at npower. It’s all about showing youngsters the energy behind how things grow – fingers crossed they’ll all plant a tree and help save my home…?

If you make a donation maybe I could be the first monkey to get a Blue Peter badge? How cool would that be?

Veja-o no gelo!

Keeping it McLean

Saudação meus amigos Internet!

Well I did promise you some messages from my new celebrity friends and we could not be starting off with a more jungletastic, pulse and hair raising choice than Nicola McLean!

She stopped by to launch the 2009 search for the Bennett's Babes and heard of my campaign to get my home saved (oh and make the planet more habitable for you big hairless monkeys too!). What better reason to dig deep and donate to make it happen?!

Adeus por agora!